When I was a boy, I stole a package of pistachio-flavored pudding mix from the kitchen cabinet and took it to my bedroom. I ate it in that delightful, horrible clandestine way in which stolen goods are consumed. I ate the entire box. It made me sicker than a dog, and I vomited green pudding mix for hours. I can safely say that I will *never* eat a box of pistachio pudding mix again. Not “one day at a time”, but Never.  And after 27 years of using drugs and alcohol, getting sick countless times, winding up in jail and nearly losing my son, I do not hesitate to say that I will never use drugs or alcohol again.

Of course, life happens “one day at a time”, and no one can predict the future. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. But, it would be utterly ridiculous for me to limit my capabilites based solely on the unpredictability of the future. Most importantly, I choose not to live in fear and self-doubt. Part of the strength in my recovery is the confidence and faith that I have in myself. Why would I deliberately undermine that? The fact is that drug and alcohol use is not something that just “happens” to people. It is a choice for me whether or not to pick up and use. I have the power to make a good choice, and as long as I have something to say about it, I will be choosing recovery.

And so, I say without hesitation, never again.  The universe metes out time incrementally, but I have set my course and my intention, and I am a force to with which to be reckoned.

 

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